Symptoms Merry-go-round

It took 5 months to finally feel the fog lifting rather than being a stagnant presence. And once I realized the change, it hit me how subtle the decline into the hole was this time around. Aside from a few moments when I was aware of my psychosis, everything else just settled quietly. And thus... Continue Reading →

Picking Pieces

Today I was reminded of Federico Babina's picture depicting schizophrenia in his Archiatric project. © Federico Babina As always, the picture struck a chord within me but I suppose today's is a little more poignant because I feel like I am trying really hard not to lose any more pieces of my mind at the... Continue Reading →

When Paranoia Is Welcome

It was a good start to my venture out running errands on this particular day. I left the house confident my mind was settled enough to handle a couple of hours out and everything was going well until it wasn't. I don't know when or why, but suddenly I felt outside of everything and disconnected.... Continue Reading →

Only Acceptable Some Times

Feel like I have opened up a closet/cupboard in my mind that was stuffed and slammed shut and now that things have tumbled out I am sifting through my thoughts in a manner that is allowing me to finally share things months later! Anywhere, here are the thoughts I sifted through today:On the day I... Continue Reading →

Chasing Clarity in Cloudiness

My mind is being pulled in many different directions which is making it hard to focus and actually get tasks done.  It's difficult to pick something to start when there's a fogginess in my mind and the chatter of the voices...oh yeah, those have been back for a while. We're mostly in an okay place... Continue Reading →

Denying Denial

While there was a niggling feeling within me that I have been denying my denial of reality, seeing this recent comic (by dinoman_j on Twitter) really struck a chord within me and made me laugh because it is so very true for me at the moment. I think that I have constructed so many untruths... Continue Reading →

sigh

It is so frustrating that even though I felt myself slipping into the hole, there wasn't much I could do aside from slow the fall. I knew 2 months ago that a stressor I experienced would likely result in an increase in my depressive and psychotic symptoms. I was hoping to prevent a full on... Continue Reading →

When Paranoia Meets Reality

I now find myself in a state where my psychosis symptoms are overpowering my reasoning. And I am struggling to find counterarguments that work because the current condition of my external world is a realistic threat. Whereas usually I can reason that not everyone actually poses a physical threat, now I find that to be... Continue Reading →

Purging My Mind

*trigger warning: this contains talk of self-harm and suicide* Goodness... I cannot remember the last time I gave myself the space to write. It has been eating away at me and I finally realized it's because I have been scared to write. Scared because it always gives me a certain clarity and I have been... Continue Reading →

Right Routine…For Me

My routine is my saving grace when my mind is in havoc. Not having to try figure out what to do is a refreshing change from years ago when I could get lost in my thoughts and end up clueless about things. It's not that I pack my days or have big tasks I get... Continue Reading →

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