Feels like all I have been able to successfully handle in the past weeks has been breathing. Everything else just keeps happening and I'm just riding this rollercoaster called life. Things whizzing by so fast I don't know how to feel anything. Barely anything holding my interest and trying to find small goals to achieve.... Continue Reading →



Been stuck in this weird state for a few weeks now...where nothing feels real, I am an observer in my life and my body is not my own. My body feels like it doesn't fit right any more and the plus side of all this weirdness has been that I am also detached from the... Continue Reading →

Creatures in the night…and day

Last night there was a creature in a cupboard in the room. When I got into bed and turned the lights off, I heard rustling and muffled sounds that moved from the cupboard into the roof. I scrambled out of bed, got the lights back on and kinda just stood still for a while. Then... Continue Reading →

Stormy Life

A big part of being able to "move forward" from letting life happen to living life and engaging despite my disorder has been accepting the up and down nature of my existence. By this I mean that there's things I must accept will fluctuate unpredictability. Be it my cognitive state, mood, outlook on life, emotions,... Continue Reading →

A Different Angle = A New View

So glad May is over! It was a lot of extremes but the last week was super sucky and only just feel like I'm finding my balance again after a week of being in 'recovery mode'. It's amazing the things one can accomplish when they find themselves in an emergency! Equally amazing how the fall... Continue Reading →

Honest About Struggling

I am struggling to forgive myself for the things I do when I am not myself. When I am in a crisis. When the irrational paranoia takes over and what makes sense is really not right. I don't know how to make peace with things I do when I'm more psychotic than not. Decisions I... Continue Reading →

Gauging My Mental State

Over the past years I have realized the importance of being able to measure my mind. What I mean is that I am not always aware when things might not be going well and then am shocked to find myself in a hole (a.k.a. depressed state) and/or out of it (a.k.a. psychotic). The past 8... Continue Reading →

An out of it day

Been a while since I've felt out of it yet grounded at the same time. Spending the day seeing things blurring out like reflections off of roads in the rain. And things like logos trying to float off packages.. Trippy! But not in a distressing way to me. Well, I guess it's relative because I'm... Continue Reading →

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